By Tracy Sayler

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Prairie Grains is the official publication of
the Minnesota
Association of
Wheat Growers,
North Dakota Grain Growers Association,
South Dakota Wheat, Inc., and the Minnesota Barley Growers Association.

If you thought politics would subside after the November elections, you’re wrong. In fact, we’re right in the middle of what might be the most political time of year. After all, it is Christmas.

Oops, we’ve traveled one paragraph and I’m already politically incorrect. I meant to say "Holiday Season," which for many years extended from Christmas Eve to New Year’s Eve. However, through a retail decree set forth by Sam Walton, late creator of Walmart, the Holiday Season now includes Thanksgiving, the day after which, normally sane people get up at 4 a.m., sometimes braving blizzard conditions, to have the privilege of buying an electric Bagel Buddyâ on sale for $5.00 at 5 a.m. The Holiday Season now laps at the shores of Halloween, and unless Congress does something about it, even threatens the sanctity of Groundhog Day.

The season includes a bonus holiday in Canada: On December 26, our wacky neighbors to the north celebrate Boxing Day. No, Evander, they don’t punch each other’s tukes off: According to the International Trade Center for Holidays and Major Events (ITCHME), Boxing Day takes its name from the fact that on the day after Christmas in Britain (where Boxing Day started and is still celebrated today, as well as in other former colonies of the Queen) alms boxes placed in churches over Christmas are opened and distributed to the poor. On the same day, servants broke open small earthenware boxes in which their masters had deposited small sums of money (don’t say this column isn’t ever educational).

Now Boxing Day is usually reserved for family activities, similar to our day-after Thanksgiving, with many Canadians getting up at 4 a.m. in blizzard conditions to have the privilege of buying an electric Back-bacon Buddyâ on sale for $5.00 at 5 a.m.

Don’t think this time of year isn’t political? Then you haven’t played the Christmas-card game. Who to send to, who to drop. They drop you, you drop them. They add you after you’ve dropped them, so you scramble to get one returned to them, scribbling, "Sorry so late. You know how this time of year is. Busy, busy, busy!" For those on your list, do they get a copy of your fancy Christmas letter printed off on thick red paper with little green reindeer at the bottom, or just a signed card? Uh-oh, you’ve got 50 people on your Christmas card list, but only 45 holiday family photos. Better dig through last year’s Christmas cards to see who sent what, and who makes the cut.

Don’t forget Christmas tree politics: plastic is more convenient, safer, and less messy, but on the other hand, it doesn’t have the smell or tradition of the real thing. Each side has its proponents, and the age-old plastic versus real debate (we’re still talking Christmas trees, Mr. Gutter-mind, not silicone implants) can get as fiery as Coke versus Pepsi, Ford versus Chevy, John Deere versus Case-IH.

Aside from the tree, there’s the decorations: don’t tell me you don’t feel just a wee bit of pressure if your neighbor’s house is decked with 12 gazillion Christmas lights (the musical kind, with five light settings), life-size nativity scene with real cattle-a-lowing, a 12-foot Santa sleigh on his roof (Rudolph’s nose blinks), and your entire outside display consists of a four-foot string of lights wrapped around your porch railing, which you bought on clearance last January at Hardware Hank.

Talk about pressure: Who can walk by the Salvation Army bell ringers without clinking some coins in their red metal buckets? Did I say coins? Uh, I meant dollar bills. You’ll want to avoid the Ghost of Cheapness Present during this season of giving, when what you are given in a gift exchange doesn’t measure up to what you gave: Unwrapping that Swiss-made pocket watch, for instance, just before you hand over a Chia Pet.

Fortunately, one of the perks of being married for most guys is getting off the hook for buying Christmas gifts. She does the shopping — and actually enjoys it. But you do have to buy at least one gift, and that’s hers. There’s definitely politics of Christmas gift-giving for her, so don’t blow it. The rules are actually quite easy:

SAFE: Jewelry, perfumed bath soaps and lotions.

TABOO: exercise equipment, shop tools, beer, and anything see-through.

Like I said before, don’t say this column isn’t ever educational.