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Prairie Ramblings By Tracy SaylerFarm policy wonks will turn their attention to a big time event that gets started in Seattle at the end of November. No, Bill Gates is not announcing he'll become
"Freedom to Farm's" next sugar daddy. Rather, it's the official kickoff to the next round of talks of the World Trade Organization (WTO), formerly known as the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade (GATT), and
before that, the International Dance Party and Policy Boogie. OK, they never called it the IDPPB. But if they did, they might do a
better job of keeping people interested in what the heck is going on. After all, the talks drag on for years and involve enough confusing international policy jargon (i.e. phytosan-itary measures,
multifunctionality, tariff-rate quotas, price transparency) to drive George Bush Jr. back into a purple haze. A lot of people are still trying to figure out the series of color-coded boxes negotiators used in the
last round for "good" subsidies and "bad" subsidies. I've heard the experts explain these boxes, and it may just as well have been Dr. Seuss: "Blue box, red box, green box go, you can subsidize gleeches but sneeches
no." Here's two web sites if you want to bone up on what the talks are all about: the WTO's own www.wto.org,
and USDA's primer on GATT, aka WTO, at
http://www. fas.usda.gov/itp/policy/gatt/gatt.html.To get some excitement into the next round, I suggest that it's not too late to treat it like a
sporting event. My choice for the broadcasting team would be Chris Berman of ESPN at the anchor desk, ABC's Keith Jackson doing play-by-play, and technical analyst, former Agriculture Secretary and U.S. trade
negotiator Clayton Yeutter. Berman: "We hope you enjoyed our "up and down" coverage of the Northern Plains yo-yo championships here on ESPN. Now, we head to Seattle, where we join Keith and Clayton in the
late rounds of the ongoing Millennium Trade Match. Guys, give us the scoop. Will the U.S. go…all...the...way?" Yeutter: "Still a tough call, Chris. Many countries including the Chinese and Russians are
just happy to be here and compete. With the experience they get here, you can expect more from them in later rounds. So then you need to focus on the main contenders. The Europeans are hanging tough,
because they know they'll face a tough home crowd if they come home with a loss. The Cairns Group led by Australia can't be overlooked, and might be considered the dark horse of these negotiations. The Canadians?
Well, the Wheat Board is still their ace. And they're tricky negotiators: they'll shower you with whiskey and then try to make side deals. It's a play they've used successfully. I should know, because it
happened to me! Ha ha. At any rate, the U.S. has its work cut out. Despite opening with home field advantage, the U.S. team has not played consistently or convincingly judging by past trade agreements.
So the home fans are watching this one closely. Over to you, Keith." Jackson: "Clayton, trade negotiators have been playing solid defense and hoping for a turnover. Here's the U.S. team now, throwing another
proposal to the Europeans. It's been blocked! The Europeans will get a holding call; their third since the last coffee break. The U.S. appears ready to make another play…What's this? Whoa Nelly! The U.S.
pulls a stunning move by bringing Jesse "The Body" Ventura into the negotiations, feather boa and all! Unbelievable! Ventura leaps to the table! He lumbers toward us! He gives Clayton an elbow to the noggin, now
another, and another! He realizes he's got the wrong guy—I'm guessing anyway—and now he turns, he spins, and dashes down the 15th row of chairs, to the 10, and inside the 5! He gets the chief negotiator for the
Europeans in a full nelson! He switches his hold into a headlock! Now the European negotiator is shouting, 'Uncle! Uncle Sam, we'll take your GMOs!' That's biotech talk for you folks at home, right Clayton? Clayton?
Whoa Yeutty, better get some ice on that! It's pandemonium here as you can hear the partisan crowd of lobbyists in the hallway shouting USA! USA!" So that's how I think they should run the negotiations. If he
were alive today, I don't believe "Jimmy The Greek" would make the U.S. a favorite, especially given our track record in the last few trade "matches," and our lack of leverage going into the next. I think the only
thing that would sway Jimmy would be the assurance that the U.S. would have a strong bench—the U.S. Congress— as a backstop in case the U.S. team fails. That, or if Jesse "I Ain't Got Time To Think" Ventura really
did slam up to the table, ready to dole out a few headlocks. (The views in this column are those of the author, and not of Prairie Grains or the associations that publish it. The author
encourages suggestions and input from readers, which may be emailed along with personal bank account numbers to
tsayler@corpcomm.net). |
