Prairie Ramblings

Welding Rods as Sparklers, and Other Editorial Corrections

Trail, Britain’s biggest-selling hiking magazine, recently apologized after one of its latest issues contained a route on Ben Nevis, the tallest peak in Scotland, that would lead climbers off the edge of a cliff.

Oops.

The magazine meant to give advice on making a safe descent for hikers caught in bad weather, but the directions erroneously printed would instead lead readers/hikers off the north face of the 4,406-foot mountain. The editor of Trail acknowledged that during the editing process, the magazine had inadvertently deleted the first of two crucial bearings needed to get off the summit.

Hey, cut the Limey hiking mag some slack.  Anybody who writes and edits publications for a living has missed a typo or doled out the wrong info at some time or another.  Although, omitting the date of next month’s grain elevator board meeting isn’t the same as inadvertently sending British hikers careening to their demise, like lemmings on a death wish.  “I say chaps, this hike is rather fatiguing. A spot of tea would be splendid after we follow this magazine’s equally splendid directions to reach the other side of this mount – aaaaiiiieeeeeeee!”

Give the hiking magazine credit for quickly issuing a correction for averting that type of unfortunate situation.  In fact, their forthrightness has prompted this publication as well to review its pages and issue the following corrections:

•  In the issue last March, we indicated that raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens,
as well as bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens, were a few of our favorite things. However, brown paper packages tied up with strings are no longer on our list of favorite things, because these days, heck, there might be a bomb in there!

•  In our July, 2000 issue, we indicated that form CCC-709 is for the regular loan deficiency payment, requested from the USDA Farm Service Agency in the same manner as a CCC loan, after the grain has been harvested and put into storage.  Actually, it’s form CCC-666.  You see, form CCC-709 is the direct sale LDP agreement, and that must be filed when… aw, who really gives a rip.

•  The article “Trim Those Hips, Firm That Fanny” featured in our January issue each of the past three years was actually lifted word for word from Redbook magazine. We regret the error. But then again, Redbook is perfectly welcome to use our stories.  We suggest the one on root rot.

•  We suggested in our summer issue last year that instead of buying sparklers on the fourth of July, to just use welding rods. However, lawyers for the National Welding Rod Association have pointed out that we were way off on this one. We regret any third-degree burns this may have caused.

•  OK, the secret to our deer sausage recipe is 50% pork and a hint of fennel.  Now get off our back!

•  In last April’s article “Become More Assertive,” maybe threatening the President and daring the IRS to audit your tax return wasn’t the brightest of ideas.

•  In 1970, the band Chicago released the hit song “25 or 6 to 4.” We’re still not sure what the heck that’s all about.

•  We advised in our special technology issue that if nothing else works to solve a glitch with your personal computer, use a hammer.  Actually, we still stand by that.

•  In last winter’s article that featured advice on negotiating land rent with a landlord, the final tip should read “use subtle persuasion at some point” not “gun point.” We regret any unpleasant incidents involving the local sheriff that this may have caused.

•  All right, maybe we knew the transmission was starting to slip a bit on that tractor we sold through the classifieds last year.

•  In our May issue, we indicated that the active ingredient of Starane herbicide was fenoxaprop, when it’s actually fluroxypyr. Yeah, like we’d know.  We skipped chemistry in college!

•  We confess that last fall, we rebroadcast games without the expressed written consent of the National Football League. We’re not ready to fess up about removing the tags on that mattress, however.

•  In the February, 2003 article “101 Ways to Irk PETA,” we suggested boxing up and mailing frozen cow pies to their organizational headquarters.  We now realize that advice was incredibly irresponsible, because really, frozen or not, any livestock crap scraped up from a feedlot will do. (Just be sure to write them a note pointing out that it’s from a confined feedlot.  They hate that.)

•  In our Fall issue, we confess that we doled out grain marketing advice about using futures and options, yet we remain as fuzzy as you do about how they work.

•  Last month, we put our left foot in, and our left foot out, we did the Hokey-Pokey, but we neglected to turn ourselves around.  Sorry – we forgot that’s what it’s all about.