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Prairie Ramblings The SoothSayler’s Picks for Top Ag Trends in 2004 By Tracy Sayler, Prairie Grains Editor Have your broker commission fees, and call off the séance to President of the United States In-the-money pick: George Dubya Bush At-the-money pick: Wesley Clark Out-of-the-money pick: Hillary Clinton Top reason for another breakdown in WTO trade talks In-the-money pick: Pesky picketers At-the-money pick: France is being an ass again Out-of-the-money pick: Orion Samuelson and Al Pell trigger mass riot after hallway brawl to get live interview with Fidel Castro Most affordable farm input In-the-money pick: Info you pick up from free farm mags like this one At-the-money pick: Manure spread on fields, family labor Out-of-the-money pick: Everything else Key reason for grain prices to skyrocket in ‘04 In-the-money pick: Problems in South America or China At-the-money pick: El Nino or La Nina Out-of-the-money pick: Martha Stewart is arrested after cornering the Chicago wheat futures market with more insider trading, but makes bail by hand-knitting sweaters with slogan “He Who Sells What Isn’t His’n, Pays The Price Or Goes To Prison” Key reason for grain prices to tank in ‘04 In-the-money pick: Problems in South America or China, El Nino or La Nina At-the-money pick: “Technical correction” or profit taking by those mysterious “funds” Out-of-the-money pick: Actually, no out-of-the-money pick here; any reason they come up with for grain prices to tank isn’t surprising anymore Most likely reason to visit local FSA office In-the-money pick: Make sense of confusing paperwork At-the-money pick: Happen to be driving by, decide to stop in for free coffee Out-of-the-money pick: Pick up big fat farm payment that’s making all the farmers rich, at least according to those Environmental Working Group boneheads and their boneheaded web site Most annoying pests In-the-money picks (tie): mosquitoes, soybean aphids, wild oats, Canada thistle, PETA, ACLU, Greenpeace, political campaign ads, Rosie O’Donnell Freak of nature most likely to show up on your farm In-the-money pick: Herbicide-resistant weeds At-the-money pick: Two-headed calf or albino farm cat Out-of-the-money pick: Michael Jackson Point in crop season where you’ll get major machinery breakdown In-the-money pick: Peak of planting, and again during peak of harvest. At-the-money pick: When nearest parts store just ran out of the part you need, so you’ll have to drive 100 miles further to get it Out-of-the-money pick: Breakdowns? We don’t have no stinking breakdowns!” Most likely to keep you awake at night during the next growing season In-the-money pick: Whether to spray and when to spray it At-the-money pick: Triple bean burrito you stupidly wolfed down after getting in from the field at 10 p.m. Out-of-the-money pick: “Hmm, what color new combine should I buy with this year’s profit, green, red or silver?” Most overheard pie-in-the-sky catch-phrase In-the-money pick: A level playing field for fair trade, not free trade At-the-money pick: Vote (candidate), he’ll fight for family farmers! Out-of-the-money pick: Beans in the teens! Hottest crop production trend In-the-money pick: No-till, Roundup-Ready At-the-money pick: Intensive wheat management Out-of-the-money pick: Actually meeting lender expectations for balance sheet two years in a row Best farm radio ad claim In-the-money pick: “…will save you money, and boost crop yields!” At-the-money pick: “…guaranteed not only to increase your crop’s seedbed vigor and performance, but your own seedbed vigor and performance, if you know what we mean!” Out-of-the-money pick: “…and after this meeting, understanding futures and options will be a snap!” Most likely farm news headline In-the-money pick: Weather Stalls Fieldwork At-the-money pick: Election Brings Candidates to Farm Country to ‘Milk’ Rural Vote Out-of-the-money pick: Naysayers Come to Senses, Realize Biotech Food Fears Unfounded. |
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beckon
Jimmy the Greek’s prognostic spirit from beyond. Armed with the latest Old Farmer’s Almanac and a whole lot of whims, hunches and delusions, here’s my picks for top trends in 2004.