Spring 1995
Wheat Screenings
By Tracy Sayler, Communications Specialist ; Minnesota Assn. of Wheat Growers & Minnesota Wheat Council
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Prairie Grains is the
official publication of
the Minnesota
Association of
Wheat Growers,
North Dakota Grain
Growers Association,
South Dakota Wheat,
Inc., and the
Minnesota Barley
Growers Association.
And who thought up the word "zerk?" Most likely a bunch of ag engineering hooligans at a farm equipment factory, over beers on a Friday after work.
"So what should we call that insertion point Bob came up with for lubricating machinery?" "Gweeble?" "Blork?" "Wompit?" "How about zerk?" "Yes! good thinking, Ed! let's go with it."
BEWARE THE CARROT-- It seems as if all foods we eat at one time or another are attacked for health reasons. Most recently, deli sandwiches. Saturated fat, you know. Hemlock on a bun.
Assaults on our beloved vittles are usually inspired by:
- Authors of quirky diet books;
- Hollywood celebrities who just kicked their drug-filled lifestyles for a new age religion, which requires that they give up certain foods, and they feel so alive now because of it;
- A major study.
The Northern California Section of the Institute of Food Technologists poked fun at such studies with the following:
A major study indicates that carrots are associated with all major diseases, and that every carrot eaten brings a person closer to death.
The study concluded that eating carrots breeds wars and communism, that carrots can be related to most airline tragedies, and that auto accidents are caused by carrots. Further, there exists a positive relationship between crime and consumption of this vegetable.
The study findings:
- Nearly all sick people have eaten carrots. The effects are obviously cumulative.
- 99.9 percent of all people who die from cancer have eaten carrots.
- Before going to war, 99.9 percent of all soldiers have eaten carrots.
- 96.8 percent of all communists have eaten carrots.
- 99.9 percent of all people involved in air and auto accidents ate carrots in some form within 60 days previous of the accidents.
- 93.1 percent of juvenile delinquents come from homes where carrots have been served.
The report from a noted team of medical specialists is even more convincing: rats force-fed with 20 pounds of carrots per day for 30 days developed bulging abdomens, and their appetites for other foods destroyed.
LEGISLATIVE BLOOPERS -- Following are actual statements made on the House or Senate Floor of the N.D. Legislature:
"This is less confusing to those of us who don't understand it."
"North Dakotans should be glad they're not getting all the government they're paying for."
"Why are we spending all this money on asbestos? Why don't we just take it out and burn it?"
"Before I speak, I want to say something."
"Their railroads are located in the southeastern and central corners of the state."
"I was asked to introduce this be constituents not from my district."
"This is redundant, and besides, we're already doing it."
"I haven't heard any opposition, either for it or against it."
"At the hearing, several farmers irrigated before the committee."
"We have to spread the inequities around more fairly."
"Nowadays, modern machines can keep dead bodies alive."
"The time has come to face the bullet!"
DEPT. OF BIOSYSTEMS?
There's a Ziggy cartoon that has our protagonist looking up at a building with the marquee: "Federal Center for the Study of Federal Centers for the Study of Things."
It pokes fun at the perplexities that often come along with officialdom. Real-life example: The University of Minnesota recently changed the name of the College of Agriculture to the "College of Agricultural, Food, and Environmental Sciences."
Two departments also changed. Soil Science is now the Department of Soil, Water, and Climate. Agricultural Engineering is now the Department of Biosystems and Agricultural Engineering.
Which leaves us all wondering, "What's a biosystem?"